Cleaning Lady

The cleaning lady (though she ain't no lady) at work is just the worst.

First of all, she's not even Mexican. She's Puerto Rican. I found that out when I was expressing to a coworker my confusion of why her accent wasn't nasally and uneducated-sounding, but rather, ghetto. (Turns out she moved from Puerto Rico to the Bronx). Though it's still obviously uneducated. So, that's really annoying in itself. Like if you're gonna be a minority who cleans, be a fucking Mexican like everyone else.

Secondly, she loves attention and will do anything for it. When I hear the kitchen door opening slowly and see the yellow mop bucket inching it's way through the door, I bolt, man. I'm OUTTA there. If I'm not, she will peek her head around the door, turn her head left, then slowly swivel it to scan the entire kitchen to see if anybody is there to pay attention to her. If she spots you, (she has an tendency for spotting me, probably because of my stunning looks. She may be a lesbian. That's my next point), she will stare at you, tilt her head, and slur "Waz wrong dawleen?" (English translation, what's wrong, Darling?).The thing is... the only thing that is wrong with that point in time is that I have to be talking to her. So, that's a little difficult to express when you're trying to be a working professional, like a-MOI, and also when you're trying to fix your fishnet stockings under your mini skirt. Nobody wants to have a conversation while performing those tasks.


Lesbian. She likes to touch women. If you accidentally need to fill up your water bottle while she's washing the dishes, prepare to be fondled. I witnessed an incident where she asked my coworker if she got highlights in her hair, motioning with her hand, that suspiciously ended up on my coworker's boob. I would have totally been a witness for the sexual harassment complaint, expect that I didn't know how to spell harassment at the time and my nails were drying so I didn't want to, like, write anything down or call anybody. Day short, dollar late, or whatever they say. I'm sure there will be a next time, that perverted woman will make sure of it.

In fact, I'm probably next. I just have this dreaded feeling I'm going to get humped by her mop or something.