Factoids

Fact of life #528: Do not drive over speed bumps at 35mph when you are not wearing a bra.

Google Smarts

Tonight as I lay naked on my stripped bed eating Oreos, I tried to remember the name of the celebrity someone said my man friend/manly friend/masculine friend/friend man/dude/guy in my life/male acquaintance looked like. We couldn't remember so I decided to google it. The only thing I could remember about the actor was that he had unruly hair. So I typed "actors with hair" and pressed enter. That is the end of this story. I guess the point is, that's the dumbest thing to type into a search bar.

Teachings from the Old Country

An old Asian man once told me, "Humping is not for the faint of heart."

*It is important to note that an Asian man did not actually bequeath his knowledge unto me, but that this quote came to me while I was dedicating a loyal amount of time on le toilette.