When thou findeth dirty undies under thy britches
Thou shalt turneth thine undies insideth and outeth
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
A Tale of Work
Dreams are meant to come true. It's important to set goals in your life and aim for the stars. Shoot for the moon and crap, ya know.
Anyway, I have a dream. I ain't black but I got a freakin dream and that's allowed, so suck it.
I have always wanted to Xerox my love buns then tape the copy onto a coworker's wall, particularly someone of who I am minimally fond. Since I am fond of nobody the options are endless and vast, much like a prostitute's vaginal cavity.
Recently, we had an open-bar party at my work and near the end of the night, as the drunken suits were stumbling away, I realized that was the time to take action and make my humble life worth living by fulfilling this long-awaited experience. I grabbed my Corona and tequila shot and sashayed over to the back-room scanner. Glancing over my shoulder, I double-checked that Pedro, the pervert janitor, wasn't lurking the hallways with his leering smile and permanent tent pole. It always seems to be saying "Onward ho!" Luckily it was Onward Ho-ing somewhere else and I was free to execute my plan.
I opened the scanner top, shimmied out of my pencil skirt and hopped onto the machine. I decided to do a test run and clicked the 1 to copy a single picture of my eager cheeks. The copier made the drone humming it usually makes and as it was finishing, I scooted to the edge to climb off and that's when the huge old thing leaned with me and toppled forward as I fell off. I was never good at balancing. There was a huge clamor, and a half naked girl with the large machine pinning one leg down. It hurt but I was determined to not attract any attention. I twisted and maneuvered my body in a sort of spread eagle fashion but on one knee, using that to squeeze my leg out from underneath the humming printer. It may have been sexy, if instead of the device it was a bronze and muscular man and I wasn't fighting for my life and dignity.. "Dignity.." like I had that anyway.
So, I was struggling and grunting when I heard the unmistakable breathing of a Mexican with a mop and a boner, standing and staring at me from the doorway. I slammed the door closed with my free foot, but not before his hungry eyes saw a view my gynecologist hasn't even seen before.
Pedro's lucky day, I guess. Onward Ho!
Anyway, I have a dream. I ain't black but I got a freakin dream and that's allowed, so suck it.
I have always wanted to Xerox my love buns then tape the copy onto a coworker's wall, particularly someone of who I am minimally fond. Since I am fond of nobody the options are endless and vast, much like a prostitute's vaginal cavity.
Recently, we had an open-bar party at my work and near the end of the night, as the drunken suits were stumbling away, I realized that was the time to take action and make my humble life worth living by fulfilling this long-awaited experience. I grabbed my Corona and tequila shot and sashayed over to the back-room scanner. Glancing over my shoulder, I double-checked that Pedro, the pervert janitor, wasn't lurking the hallways with his leering smile and permanent tent pole. It always seems to be saying "Onward ho!" Luckily it was Onward Ho-ing somewhere else and I was free to execute my plan.
I opened the scanner top, shimmied out of my pencil skirt and hopped onto the machine. I decided to do a test run and clicked the 1 to copy a single picture of my eager cheeks. The copier made the drone humming it usually makes and as it was finishing, I scooted to the edge to climb off and that's when the huge old thing leaned with me and toppled forward as I fell off. I was never good at balancing. There was a huge clamor, and a half naked girl with the large machine pinning one leg down. It hurt but I was determined to not attract any attention. I twisted and maneuvered my body in a sort of spread eagle fashion but on one knee, using that to squeeze my leg out from underneath the humming printer. It may have been sexy, if instead of the device it was a bronze and muscular man and I wasn't fighting for my life and dignity.. "Dignity.." like I had that anyway.
So, I was struggling and grunting when I heard the unmistakable breathing of a Mexican with a mop and a boner, standing and staring at me from the doorway. I slammed the door closed with my free foot, but not before his hungry eyes saw a view my gynecologist hasn't even seen before.
Pedro's lucky day, I guess. Onward Ho!
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